Hi my name is Kristen, and I’m not a size zero

This is a piece that I’ve been trying to work on for a while, but have struggled to write because I don’t feel like making myself a martyr for a cause that most people will feel is non-existent or unimportant. 

Nonetheless, this is how I feel, and how a lot of people feel, and honestly, I think it’s time that you get called out on your shit.

We’re gonna talk about fat people.

Ooo, what a taboo subject. 

Some of you may want to close your browser now, I’m coming in guns blazing.

There are few things that I hate more than when someone says that they’re fat, they’re always met with a bunch of people saying. “oh no, you’re perfect just the way you are.”

a) This person probably isn’t perfect, shut the fuck up.

b) Of course, they’re still great and this seems like a weird time to bring that up.

c) Being fat isn’t the opposite of being perfect, you ignorant bitch.

Being fat isn’t a bad thing.

If someone was like “guys, I look so female” you’re not gonna be like, “girl shh, you’re so pretty.”

So why do we say these things when people say they’re fat?

They’re fat. Don’t tell them they aren’t.

There are worse things to be than fat.

Here’s a short list for you, just in case.

I’d rather be fat, than be:

  • stupid
  • ignorant
  • racist
  • uneducated
  • disrespectful
  • obnoxious
  • boring
  • hateful
  • unkind
  • intolerant
  • sexist

Would you like to continue? I could go all day.

So let’s all take a step back stop acting like when a person says they are fat, that it’s the worst thing that they could ever be.

Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I’m undesirable.

It doesn’t make me less pretty, it doesn’t automatically make my personality bland, nor does it make me someone that people don’t want to be around.

These are all things that come naturally to me, they have nothing to do with my weight.

And in all honesty, if my weight does do any of those things for you, then you can get out of my life. Please, and thank you.

On the other hand, just because a person is fat, doesn’t mean that a person has to be interested in you.

I can’t tell you how many men have approached me in a bar telling me how lucky I am for them to be interested in me.

Like they think they’re some gift from God, and they’re doing some sort of community service for wanting to fuck me.

I am not a second choice, and being attracted to me is not something that looks bad for you.

Also, men, if your friend/brother/cousin/uncle/whoever is into a fat chick and you shame him for it, you’re a piece of shit.

People are gonna be into who they’re into. It’s not right or wrong.

A dude isn’t desperate, or weird if he likes a fat girl, and it’s not admirable for him to admit he likes a fat woman.

The problem is with people who think that being fat, or dating a fat person is wrong.

Sure there are health concerns with being fat, but there are also health concerns with being too skinny.

Or too stupid, so…

I’m gonna take a break from being angry, and tell you all a couple of stories.

Gather round, there’s a good fight scene in the middle.

The first time someone called me fat.

This day is often one that replays in my mind, mostly because I find it so unbelievably stupid.

When I was 10, I had two very best friends named Tamara and Tia.

Our friendships were very dramatic. Like most ten-year-olds, we concerned ourselves with childish drama about boys, about who tagged whom unfairly in grounders, and about who our best friends were.

I remember once Tamara was freaking out that she hadn’t had her first kiss*, but Tia and I had.

*Note: My first kiss was with my childhood crush Chad when I was 6. We’ll chat about that at another time, right now we have to focus on Tamara’s hissy fit.

She was stomping around, getting all upset because “no boys found her attractive.”

I’m not sure if you knew, but my 10-year-old life was actually the inspiration for Degrassi. So *dramatic!!*

Tamara was so self-conscious about this fact that she looked at Tia and me, both being very invested in her well being, and she said, “I don’t understand how Kristen has kissed a boy and I haven’t. I mean, look how fat she is!”

I remember standing there and thinking about how unnecessary it was for her to say that.

My response, because I was actually cooler then than I am now, was, “I can get unfat, but you can’t get unugly.”

I’m sure that it will be a surprise to all of you to hear that Tamara and I are no longer friends.

The time I fought someone for calling me fat 

As some of you may have already learned in earlier blog posts, I had some issues in middle school. One of them being that I fought people all the time.

SUPER CLASSY I know. It’s not my fault, I went to school in a trash neighbourhood with trash people.

I remember once, I was sitting in the school library and my new, but very much best friend in the whole world Amy came up behind me and asked me what size my shirt was.

She did this because she, and one of my other friends Amanda decided that I was fat and that they should shame me in front of my entire class for it.

After thinking for about three seconds, I responded with “smaller than your moms,” and proceeded to find my face meet the keyboard.

She then ripped the tag off of my shirt and passed it around the class to further shame me.

Of course, it was so shameful!!! Most of my classmates still hadn’t hit the developing stage and were wearing children’s clothes, so my large tag was quite a shock to everyone.

Obviously, I was devastated.

Not because I was fat, but because this bitch had to embarrass me in front of the entire class.

I saw myself having two options:

a) I could run to the bathroom, find the way to Narnia and never return.

b) OR I could fight this bitch, to show all future bitches not to fuck with me.

I, being the sensible and mature 14-year-old that I was, chose option b.

Now, I’m not gonna go into the detail of the fight too much, that wouldn’t be classy.

All I will say is that for the rest of my middle school career no one dared to ask me what size my shirt was ever again.

Which in retrospect, seems like a fairly reasonable request????

I fucking hate middle schoolers.

Being fat-shamed by your family 

I hate when you go home for the holidays and your family is all concerned about you.

“Honey, are you sure you want another sweet potato? There’s more turkey.”

Thanks, Aunt Pearl, but if I fucking wanted more turkey I would have asked you to pass the turkey and not the yams you fucking bitch.

And then you take two yams and you fucking enjoy them.

Why the fuck do people think that fat people need to eat a certain way.

In my entire life, I have never seen anyone eat worse than a skinny person.

I’m just saying, they’re super thin and blessed by genetics to fit society’s beauty ideals, and they get to eat an entire ice cream cake and lose two pounds?

Can I get a go fuck yourself!!

Even talking about food is making me gain weight.

It could also be because of the midnight snack I’m currently choking down.

Don’t judge me, bitch.

I also very much do not need to hear that you’re concerned for me.

I’m concerned for me! My life is a mess, I’m holding onto my sanity by a thread, I have to live with knowing that my dog will in fact never love me as much as he loves my brother, and I may die alone.

The last thing I wanna hear about is your concern for my lack of a thigh gap.

Other fucking annoying things that need to stop immediately

1. When you’re at the bar and you’re all dolled up and someone says they love how “daring” and “confident” you look.

Oh, you mean that my sheer top is something that I should be proud of because I weigh more than 130 lbs?

Jessica, honey, you’re wearing a bandana as a shirt, that’s daring and confident.

I dare you to keep talking because if you do I’m confident I’m gonna punch you in the face.

2. When people tell you that you would have had the ideal body type in the Renaissance.

My body isn’t a clearance item from 1556.

The only reason fat people were considered atractive at this time is because they could afford to be fat while everyone else was literally starving to death.

You know what else was in style at that time? The Black Plague.

Just shut up.

3. The double standards between fat men and fat women.


When you see a fat dude with a hot lady, you’re like, “wow good for him.”

When you see a fat woman with a good looking guy, you’re like, “wow, what a hero.”

4. Trying to dress yourself when you’re fat.

I always hate going clothing shopping with friends simply because most of my friends are quite thin and would look good wearing literally anything, and most of the time clothes either don’t fit my body correctly or just look fucking ridiculous.

I don’t know what it is about clothing manufacturers, but it’s like they assume that clothes will fit the same way on a size 6 as it would on a size 16.

Like hello, rolls are a thing, and it’s really rude to put little slits on the side of this really cute dress right where back fat likes to sit.

Wow, what a pretty picture, you’re welcome.

I find that any clothes that I do end up buying all look the same on me because there are literally no companies out there that will take the time to create clothes for the non-ideal body type and make them at least semi-affordable.

It’s not that difficult people!

Just quit designing women’s clothes to fit 12-year-old boys and we’ll be fine.


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